Skinny Legs and All

In the loin

2010-06-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

I am subbing for a language school, and my students were complaining about their "hotel." It's in the very tender part of the tender-knob, and well, they don't feel safe. Fair enough. And I kinda made fun of them for living in a crappy neighborhood. I did resist telling them Kelle's severed head story. Despite being kinda dangerous for foreigners because they look and act like foreigners and foreigners might as well walk around with giant piggy banks for heads. But despite all that, I sent them on a crappy neighborhood tour. That they are not allowed to do alone. Or after 9 o'clock. I've never had any problems, but then again, I don't have a giant piggy bank for a head. I reek of (project?) small town poverty.

Shalimar - Food because it is ph-in delicious
Bourbon and Branch - Drinks because it is fun
Great American Music Hall - Music because it'll make them feel better about where their hotel is?

Phil and I are going to see Delta Spirit tonight. It is good to be back in the city. Oh yes, it's good.

We're Heading Back Up North!

2010-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

Phil has officially accepted his offer and will be starting his Creative Writing MFA at the University of San Francisco. I have officially relayed that I will not be continuing with the school I am currently working for. Now to tie up the loose ends.

It will be nice to take a break from the whole ESL thing for a bit. I've been teaching way too much grammar as of late. The words in my sentences are starting to look like car parts that need to be properly placed.

What I should have learned in the SOE

2010-03-28T20:55:00.000-07:00

This with a pinch of that.

I kid. I kid. Kinda

Rainy Day in LA

2010-03-06T20:48:00.000-08:00

It's raining in LA, which means it will be beautiful tomorrow. It also means that today was, to say the least, unproductive. We had big plans to check out the flea market down the street, but alas, no such luck. We splurged and went out for breakfast at a little diner down the street. We have quite a few tasty breakfast places within walking distance round here. It's one of the joys of our little neighborhood.

Phil got some rejection letters from his MFA applications today - sad face externally - internally, secretly glad we won't be relocating to either Iowa or Michigan. Be sure to send happy thoughts for University of Oregon, San Francisco State, and University of CA, Irvine. (But not too many for Irvine, heh) It's been interesting balancing my wants and desires with the writing programs that Phil is in love with. I'm 100% supportive, and where ever he wants to study, we're going, but then there is the other part of me that really, really wants to get the hell out of South California. And there was that other part of me that really, really didn't want to move to Iowa. Other then that, 100% supportive...

Perhaps I should adjust my percentage a tad.

Sorting Through Applications

2010-03-03T19:41:00.000-08:00

We have to hire a new teacher for the center, and though it is not my job, nor am I qualified to do so, interviewing has been shoved into my lap. I sometimes get the feeling that my boss feels like pushing her crap onto me is a reward.

You're doing a great job, and you know that program so well, so here, you take care all of this shit for me, because I'm so impressed with what you've done so far. I really trust you, so I'm willing to let you do all the interviewing by yourself. If I can, I'll listen in on the telephone.

Really, you like, me? I will do that thing.

And now to absorb responsibility in the situation, I acquiesce, because it needs to get done, and if I let my boss's schedule determine interviews I will run myself into the ground. As much as I love teaching, I do not enjoy working 10 hour days to be stupid far behind on the things I need to be doing. So there, all whining aside, it's my own damn fault.

So let the vetting games begin. I was openly mocking one candidate because the person shortened Craig's List to cl in their cover letter. Phil said I was a) harsh and judgemental b) a dinosaur. (Is there any other kind?) He told me no one calls it Craig's List - it's not even capitalized on the website. Today, I called said candidate for an interview. After saying he couldn't write the address down, he asked me to email him. OK. Part of my elitist self was like, seriously, someone is trying to situate you with gainful employment, and you can't write it down? But with my lovely, forgiving better-half rattling around in my brain HARSH! DINOSAUR!, I smiled and said sure. Of course, I said. So I sent out the email, and he replied with a thank you. Unfortunately, that email said, "Alli,". He shortened my name. A nickname that I do not associate with work or work things, but a name that is home, history, friends, family and nostalgia.

This was my conversation with my computer screen:

What the what?!? You don't know me, motherf(*%#%!

I know it is a bit ridiculous, but it irked me. It really irked me. While I know it is impossible to retract my interview invitation(not impossible; I really want to write back and say my name's not Alli - TO YOU - jk about the inter., but I won't, because I do have some sense of propriety), all I can say is this person better poop the cure for cancer.

I sorta lied

2010-02-04T20:48:00.000-08:00

In the previous post, I said I like my job. That is just not true. I like teaching. That is an important distinction to make at the moment.

Where do you live? That is an excellent question

2010-02-02T21:02:00.000-08:00

Phil has a man-date, er men-date with his friends this evening. A virtual one. They are playing Counter Strike via PS3. We've been living in LA for about 5 months, and I have genuinely made no effort to connect to the town or the history or the people here. This is also known as pissing away your precious ~~youth~~ late twenties. I've been aware of this in the non-chalant, I mention it to my friends, in my self-depreciating sad, sorry sack talks. I like to call it ~~socal~~ social hibernation.

The reality of how bad the social hibernation had gotten was when Phil was listing things that I could do while he was on his men-date. This list of things could better be described as one thing and a long furrowed-brow pause. His suggestion was, "You can catch up on some work, or..............................................................." I mean, I like my job, and planning for class is fun and interesting to geek out on, but that was all he could come up with. Holymotherofbob, it might be time to start living in LA.

creativity

2009-09-29T23:26:00.000-07:00

Testing 1, 2, a 1, 2,3, 4

2009-08-18T20:35:00.000-07:00

1. New Fancy Job: Academic Director of an International Study Center at shall remain nameless SoCal University. This job includes international students, a salary, business cards, health insurance, and some teaching. Score.

2. New not-so-fancy apartment: I'm moving to Hollywood in Sept. Hollyhock is in my backyard for all of you Bladerunner fans. Notice how I'm not mentioning what's in my front yard. Hahaha. You said front yard. It's a pool that has 11 LA county code violations. I found that out on the Internets today. Yipee! I keep singing the Weezer song, "Beverly Hills" although it really doesn't apply to my situation at all.

3. It's orientation week, so I am working stupid long hours. And finding out how much I really don't know about #1. Rock. Loving that steep learning curve.

Paint Smudges

2009-07-25T20:16:00.000-07:00

Phone interviews are weird. I had one today, and it was just strange. I really have no idea how it went. It's for an academic director position up in Burbank. Or if I'm not deemed capable of managing teachers from my phone interview, it will be a full-time teaching position. Or possibly nothing if the phone interview went badly. Which is possible. Highly possible. I don't translate well as a detached voice.

I was all inspired to write about my painting class, but I've misplaced that inspiration. Hopefully, I'll find it soon and update you on all the joys of misplaced shadows and oddly colored objects.

Mama I'm coming home

2009-06-22T23:26:00.000-07:00

I still have to call my parents to confirm, but I'm heading to Sonora for a couple of days before I have students instead of Grand Theft Auto 4 to suck the energy out of me. Yippee! I apologize for not giving anyone advance warning about any of this, but when you really have no schedule to adhere to then advance planning just seems really silly. If you're free between Wednesday and Friday, you should swing by the Andersons for some food and a beverage.

I'm really looking forward to yet another lovely tour up the 99. This time I will be stopping in Bakersfield, which is all sorts of gorgeous. My God. I will be hanging a bit with Scarlett and J, and if anyone can pump some life into the Bakes it would be S&J.

This whole trip up north is really about Father's Day and my tradition of having no money, so as a gift I caddy for my dad for the Wednesday evening businessmen's league out at Phoenix Lake Golf Course. I'm probably getting a little too old for it, but it's 9 holes, dad loves it and he gets to remind all of his fellow businessmen just how much their own daughters do not love them, and I imbibe on a few Coronas and talk about what I've been doing "after softball". Everybody wins.

Working Boys and Girls

2009-06-20T22:38:00.000-07:00

Life momentum has definitely been accumulating. Phil was officially hired at the school I was hired at. We’ve essentially skipped ahead a year in the future and transplanted our lives in SF down here in SoCal. He will be working as a housing coordinator and RA, which is cool because we get a swanky apartment in Long Beach for FREE. Free is about all we can swing for housing right now. It’s a studio apartment, so it’s not exactly ideal, but it is our own place temporarily. Both my position and the RA position are summer gigs, so we may have to move back in with the rents at some point, but vee shell si.

Regardless, there is movement. And the breeze feels oh-so-good.

Employed

2009-06-15T23:55:00.000-07:00

*Officially!

I got the part of English Language teacher. I speak the English very good.

*part-time, starting July 7th, 2009.

Virtual Godzilla

2009-06-09T17:27:00.000-07:00

Virtual Godzilla

Right, so I don’t have a job. I am super unemployed, so I’ve been trying to fill my time with educator-y things that will make me super-instructor. I’m taking an online course about using technology in the classroom effectively. As a teacher and a researcher, I’m curious about that stuff for language instruction.

This morning I got an invite to join the PBworks summer camp for educators. SWEET! PBworks was formerly PBwiki. Does that help? It's basically a souped-up wiki for teachers (and other people).

In their own words:

PBworks for Classrooms

PBworks hosts more classroom workspaces than anyone else in the world, and lets you create a simple, secure workspace in about 60 seconds. Workspaces drive engagement and collaboration. A workspace is a live, evolving document – but gives you user tracking and access controls to monitor your workspace at all times.

You can make your workspace public or private or anywhere in between. No matter what, PBworks keeps your students’ information safe.

It’s cool, it’s free, and I dig the vibe of the company, so of course I joined. And then promptly managed to DELETE THE FOLDER WITH THE ENTIRE COURSE CONTENT.

Which led to this twitter posts from the camp director, Kristine:

Then this:

Then this:

Then thank god, finally this:

The magician engineers were able to recover the folder. Praise Bob. Support at PBworks and Kristine were way cooler than they should have been. They didn’t threaten bodily harm once.

Holy shit, I am so embarrassed (very, very present tense). I really almost deleted camp.

Happy Birthday Mom and other happy news

2009-06-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

It's not just a clever title. It's my mom's birthday today.

In other super good news, I have an interview with a language school on Thursday. Where they will ask me "questions about teaching" and "to explain a verb tense."

It's a wonder this profession isn't respected.

Regardless, wish me luck, cross your fingers, pray for broken legs and gingersnaps and puppy dog tails or something like that.

Boom Drink: How to Make Exploding Cocktails

2009-06-04T17:18:00.000-07:00

http://www.geekologie.com/2009/06/boom_drink_how_to_make_explodi.php

Anyone up for drinks?

You just freeze a mint flavored Mento in an ice cube and then make a drink for a friend (read: enemy). Any artificially sweetened soda should work, but preferably something darker so the frozen Mento isn't so obvious. Then, a few minutes later when the Mento is exposed to the soda, BOOOSH! Alternatively, garnish your friend's glass with a live hand grenade.

Mmmmm, hookers

2009-05-28T19:06:00.000-07:00

According to Grand Theft Auto 4, hookers and hotdogs have the same nutrition value.

Good to know next time I feel like having a hotdog at the ball park. MMMmmm. This is a hooker's worth of goodness.

Song of the Day: Delta Spirit's "People C'mon"

2009-05-27T20:48:00.000-07:00

The song of the day, which also is a video. Hey look at me combining two great things. What can I say? I get my inspiration from these people.

Delta Spirit: People C'mon

Video of the Day: Baby Cakes

2009-05-26T08:00:00.000-07:00

After my brother turned me on to Professor Brother, by Brad Neely, another friend, Kevin, directed me to Baby Cakes, also by Neely. They are like my children; I can't decide which one I love more.

Pizza Names

2009-05-25T12:10:00.000-07:00

I love the local pizza parlor in Sonora, Mike's Pizza. Mike's makes a pizza called The Greek Goddess. This pizza is to die for. Creamy garlic sauce, pepperoni, peppercinis, artichoke hearts, green olives, and tomatoes. And it is always makes me chuckle when I order it to go, "Yes, I would like a small Greek Goddess for pick up."

My name is a bit complicated for people. Alliya. It's hard to say. It's hard to spell. So whenever I order anything I always use someone else's name for the order. The other day I went with two of my friends to order the Greek Goddess. The cashier asked my friend, Celeste, for an order name. Celeste did the exact same thing I always do, I look at who I'm with and use one of their names. Only today it was Celeste, Bissie, and Alliya. No repreive. They are all impossible names in the short order business. She looked momentarily flustered, and we all started to laugh. She turned back to the cashier and said, "Celeste."

"How do you spell that?"

2004-12-01T19:46:00.000-08:00

A new post is overdue and I'm still at a loss at what to say. So let me conjure up the old thinking cap and drink my Manhattan with too much sweet vermouth.

Thanksgiving was the goodness that it usually is. It is one of my favorite holidays. I ate too much (original I know).

School is wrapping up. I found out today I actually have a bachealor of science. I can't tell you why or how, but ok. I'm going to speak to my academic advisor to find out why or/and how this came about. How did I not know about this? The drawbacks to being an athlete. humph.

It's looking promising on the whole graduation thing, keep your fingers crossed.

The sky is falling, the sky is falling

2004-11-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

It's election day

I have already sent in my absentee ballot. So no violating the sanctity of the voting booth today. So now all I can do is buy a six pack, gather some friends and cross my fingers.

The good news is I was given a CD from the U.S. Army Field Band, so I can create the hazy facade of hopefulness and patriotism.

and oh yeah, Don't forget to vote!

Let's Stay Together

2004-10-14T21:09:00.000-07:00

Happy 26th Anniversary!

Tahoe Baby

I would like to thank these people for my blue eyes, sound vision, fashion sense and republican ideals!

I jest, I jest.

I said 'happy anniversary' and dad said 'thank you.'

'No, thank you.'

I love you guys, I hope you're having a wonderful day.

The Unsinkable Buddy Christ

2004-09-29T11:20:00.000-07:00

`Miraculous` Christ Washes Up in Texas Rio Grande
Tue Sep 28,11:17 AM ET

MONTERREY, Mexico (Reuters) - A fiberglass statue of Christ that washed up on a sandbar in the Rio Grande three weeks ago is attracting scores of devout pilgrims to a police department lost-and-found and being hailed as a miracle.

Police in Eagle Pass, Texas, said up to 40 people a day are coming to pay homage to the five-foot-tall figurine, known as "The Christ of the Undocumented," which was found by U.S. Border Patrol agents in the river.

"Some come to pray, and some come and just touch it," police lieutenant Daniel Morales said by telephone on Monday. "We have never experienced anything like this before, and interest is growing by the day."

The border city, which lies opposite Piedras Negras in northern Mexico, has a large Mexican community. Many arrived illegally by way of the river, and most are devout Roman Catholics.

Morales said the life-like statuette, which turned up without a crucifix base, would probably be given to a church in the border city if no-one came forward to claim it within 90 days.

Local Catholic Church authorities called the figure`s arrival "miraculous" and said they wanted to place it in a specially dedicated chapel in the city.

"Jesus Christ manifests himself in many places, but he showed himself here in the way of an undocumented migrant," said Marta Ramirez, a spokeswoman for the city`s Our Lady of Refuge Church.

"We think it`s appropriate to place it in a special chapel."

It's kinda like a punch in the gut that you deserved a long time ago

2004-09-23T23:19:00.000-07:00

And then on a random Thursday night it hits me like a belly flop off the high dive.

I am sitting here in my little studio apartment. I want to talk to my brother and he is in China. I miss being able to chat about stupid stuff. E-mail is nice but the voice provides a comfort that text fails to provide.

Even if it is only a dumb voice mail and a return phone call a week later...

Notes from class

2004-09-23T16:58:00.000-07:00

*My Notes from Crisis Communications today*

My mind is wandering in and out of this hopeless dribble.
I know he sees the pained look on my face, the same look on everyone's faces.
Entertainment Television is fast food television. That's fun. He says that's a fun source of news about serious issues.
The 'that's' is oozing with sarcasm and disdain. The sorority girls squirm uncomfortably, slowly removing their hands from the air.
This is gut wrenching monotone, regurgitating information he already typed up on a hand out. I think I hate this man.
Talk about other things that might be helpful or interesting that didn't make it on to the paper you fucking bastard. I don't need you to read what is on the sheet on my desk.

I think I am going to compile my ramblings over the semester and staple them to my teacher evaluation form.

We went to the Dirty Dog Tavern last night to listen to live crappy country music and drink penny beer to celebrate my friend's 22nd birthday. A couple of birthday shots into the night, he decided that we should have babies because 'they would smash the ball 500 ft. Every time they got up to bat.'(He plays baseball and always uses such flattery on girls he's trying to impregnate...)'Just think of your crotch as the new Yankees farm system.' He's from New York and I think I broke his heart and ended our friendship when I said my kid will never play for the Yankees.

Brother dearest, while abroad limit yourself to only one illegitimate baby, please

2004-09-20T17:27:00.000-07:00

BEIJING (Reuters) - A court in China's southern boomtown of Shenzhen has fined a couple 780,000 yuan ($94,250) and sealed off their house for having more than one child, the Beijing Morning Post said Monday.

The pair were among nine couples who were fined "social fostering fees" for their extra children, the newspaper said. They had their first boy in 1997 and last year had twin boys, the newspaper said.

With approximately 1.3 billion people, China is the world's most populous nation. It has stringent rules on family planning that allow couples usually to have just one child, at least in cities, and limit numbers elsewhere.

The couple's house had been sealed up "according to the law," the paper said, or until they pay the fine which was unusually large. A house is sealed with a white paper bearing the stamp of a local court pasted across the front door.

Punishment for having more than one child can include having the power to the offending couple's house or to the houses of relatives being cut off.

2004-09-19T15:45:00.000-07:00

What Would Jesus Do?

2004-09-19T13:48:00.000-07:00

An Update of Sorts

Well, I have entered the final semester of my college career. I believe my graduation ceremony begins at 8 a.m. Dec. 18, 2004. I'm really thinking we should do a graduation party in the home state instead of having everyone break their necks to get out here in the miserable Oklahoma winter weather. I'll confer with the parental units and keep you posted. Besides graduations are painfully boring, we should celebrate the graduation instead.

This blog has been neglected so I am doing some maintentance.

*Things that are new*

apartment:A little studio on the other side of Wal-mart. It feels temporary, which works because I'm moving out of here mid-December.
roommates (2 kittens): Fabio and Duff really aren't kittens anymore. They are in the teenage punk stage of catdom. They act like teenage boys that haven't grown into their bodies yet, which is mostly true.
internship: I'm the new clueless intern for the Allied Arts program, http://osunet.okstate.edu/alliedarts/, at OSU. It really is a fun internship, free tickets. I get to do a lot of creative work, it has made me realize I like my major more than I thought. Who knew there were opportunities in public relations in which you didn't have to be a scumbag?

I also serve as secretary and voting member for the Allied Arts Selection Committee.
We get to pick the line-up for next fall. This means I get to watch some really amazing performances and some amazingly crappy performances.
Gramma raved about Cavali, but I can assure you, a woman doing ballet on a standing horse is rather unsettling.

Non-athlete student: I'm a regular college student. My calluses are gone (mostly). And I still get free school and free admission to all athletic events. Whahoo! The Athletic Committee has also incited me to be its student representative. This is the council formed by academics to do away with athletic scholarships and make universities learning institutions. These people mostly live in la la land. It should be interesting

And that's all she wrote...

2004-07-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

This was in my 17-year-old (as of July 15th) cousin's "Long Ass Survey"

What song reminds you of that special someone? Depends who the special person is ...but I guess "Mmm Bop" reminds me of Meghan and "Getting Jiggy With It" Reminds me of Jessica and "Redneck Woman" reminds me of Alliya lol.

I would like to state for the record that I say neither 'hey yall' nor 'yee-ha'

2004-07-17T20:10:00.000-07:00

College in a nutshell.

2004-07-07T21:41:00.000-07:00

Damn thing ate my post. I've found employment (parents do happy dance in some far off state) as a research assistant for a women's almanac. This is a spin off of the Capitol presentation at the Oklahoma Women's summit back in May.

My field of research is pretty damn broad right now and frankly I feel horribly under-qualified. Things will hopefully be a little clearer after this week.

2004-06-14T20:52:00.000-07:00

I am currently seeking employment in Stillwater. The waves of depression are licking the back of my head.

2004-05-28T11:53:00.000-07:00

I was staring at the cap of Pabst Blue Ribbon sitting on the table. It had a "Q" and a heart symbol. So I stared at it and likened it to the little riddles that are on the Lonestar beer bottle caps. After awhile I decided it was "quart." I thought to myself, that is a shitty and unimaginative pictograph (or whatever the hell it is you call them). The next day I was being a bum, laying around watching movies and just milling around the El Cerrito home when I decided to go outside for a bit. I sat on the steps and half buried in the dirt was a Blue Ribbon beer cap, with a "9" and the symbol for clubs. A nine of clubs. It never ceases to amaze me how I seem to manage to make every aspect of my life infinitely more complicated then it has to be.

2004-05-25T17:05:00.000-07:00

I've been hanging out with my brother for a stint before I head back to Oklahoma and he heads off to China. It was a much overdue visit and I had a good time.

Well, actually he was working most of the time and I pretty much just followed his roommate around San Francisco and then wondered around Berkeley by myself. I stepped on his roommate's feet often because I was so distracted by the locals, which I'm sure was pretty damn annoying of me.

That has always been my gig though, I excell at being the annoying little sister. And thankfully my brother is a kind, patient man, who hasn't tried to remedy my faults by seeking counsel from Ricki Lake just yet.

2004-05-17T16:05:00.000-07:00

Ah, the Dragon's Lair. It is the local strip club in Stillwater, Okla. It is everything one could hope it to be.

It was a good friend of mine's last day in Stillwater and we decided to send her off appreciating where it is she was going.
Our first attempts to get into "the lair", were met by pure sexism.
The owner explained that female patrons need a male escort. We were stunned, we are three division one athletes. Our combined weight is 475 lbs, and I'm almost pretty sure a male escort would do us little benefit. I'm also positive that is an illegal request.
We made a few phone calls and friends were on the way.
However,we got impatient, accosted a terrified looking solo college-aged boy and asked him to pretend like he knew us. Out of fear of getting beat up, he agreed and quickly scurried away from us.

It was all that you could hope for. The best stripper there, Genie, was 6'2 and had a voice that would make James Earl Jones jealous.
The motley crew consisted of four strippers. One was missing a tooth (which she explained she had lost during a cat fight with one of her co-workers), had breasts sagging to her knees and sometime in the night the soft excess that was her ass ate what little clothes she had once had on.
The other stripper had no boobs, being humble breasted myself, laughed with glee as she rubbed her sternum on the patrons faces for their spare change.
The final dancer could actually pass for something that would evoke arousal, except for the knee brace she wore for her routine. There is just something unsexy about a woman in nothing but a knee brace and a g-string.
I was sincerely hoping these ladies at least got paid minimum wage, but alas, their only wage was the occasional dollar whipped out for from sweaty old man's wallet.

Our real escorts arrived, a good time was had by all, and I went home with the peace of mind knowing that Genie and her crew could at least eat at Applebee's on the tips we provided that night.

2004-05-10T15:15:00.000-07:00

Things are coming along.
There is one week of softball left.
School is done.
Behmer has graduated.
Family will visit.
I had three dates this past week with three different boys, all named Matt.

Is Otis going to China?
This I have yet to find out.

What we do know:
Boys named Matt are strangely compelled to hang out with me.

2004-05-05T22:31:00.000-07:00

I have a date tomorrow. Which means I'm juggling boys in a half-assed sort of way.

This one is a journalist who supports his career choice by bartending. I,of course, think this is fabulous. If you can't be a gold digging whore, why not be an free alcohol consuming shitbag.

I sincerely promise I find him intriguing.

I'm almost positive that sounds completely half-hearted and fabricated on paper, but I can sleep at night and hopefully you don't think less of me. And please don't start sending me bottles of liquor, really, it doesn't work that way.

2004-04-29T15:06:00.000-07:00

I never thought this would be a point of interest because it was really something I had taken for granted (as it should be I guess) but after spending 2 years hanging out with the athletic department...

There is absolutely nothing more sexy than a man who reads. Of course it doesn't hurt when he is a sexy guy to begin with...

It is just damn refreshing to not have to make exceptions like, "Damn, he is a really great guy until he tries to speak."

And in turn making unfair requests of my own.

"Hon, could you NOT do that."
"What?"
"The talking bit, it is a bit much for me."

I am woman, hear me roar...right.

2004-04-20T20:57:00.000-07:00

I found a boy in Ok that isn't a mutant (so far).
Of course he's not from here, but damn amusing just the same

2004-04-13T10:09:00.000-07:00

If we are going to start this thing off right, I am going to get the softball bitch session out of the way.

I am developing disdain for lesbians who pursue softball coaching careers. This career choice seems only to be a dating service for uptight lesbians.

My coaches are the squarest homosexuals you'll ever meet. Maybe it's the Midwest, but for fuck's sake. You are a rebel of society, but yet so incredibly over-sensitive about the oddest damn things. These are the same women who decided to settle in the bible belt. They spend their evenings becoming connoisseurs of the pink taco and effectively shit in the face of their Christian neighbors.

But when it is suggested that "Old School" be watched on the bus trip, my coaches replied that movie was offensive and inappropriate.

Mind you this is a bus full of college softball players.

The irony of this situation makes me amused at times, but mostly just annoyed. But in the words of Vince Vaugn's "Old School" character,

"Ear Muffs" coach, "ear muffs."